Thou Shalt Not Hate

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I am some highly religious person who knows the Bible from start to finish.  I'm also not going to sit here and pretend that I'm some prude who never lies, drinks, swears, etc.  I am, however; someone who tries to see the best in people, and give people the benefit of the doubt....almost to a fault. 

Today, I am having a hard time with that.  I am sure it is just PMS shaking its ugly head; however, today I just want to scream "I HATE YOU!" at a person in my life.  No it's not my ex-husband, his wife or anyone semi-related to me, but it someone I have near daily contact with.  I, as well as someone else in my life, have tried removing them from our lives, but just end up looking all the worse for it.

They make my life a daily struggle.  They leave me feeling stressed out, unappreciated and just all around annoyed.  Today has been one of the worst days I can remember where I just wanted to take it all out on them.  Then I came across a post on (of all things) a psychic's facebook page.  I have attached it.  I won't say it made me feel 100% better, as I still want to scream I hate them and list all the reasons why to their face, but at least I have faith that this too shall pass.

Calgon.....

A little back story....
On January 13, I woke up and just didn't feel right. Started my morning ritual and I started having horrible, terrible pain in my lower right side. I assumed I had a bladder infection, so I went to urgent care. They diagnosed me with a kidney stone and sent me to the ER for blood work, CT scan, etc., all things they can't do. They did blood work, gave me pain meds and sent me home on Flagyl for an infection in my uterus, as during their exams they found polyps that I am to have biopsied on Wednesday.My boyfriend took me home, we ate, and I went back to sleep. I got up in time to take my "oldest" to work, but before we even had a chance to leave, I started feeling like I was going to be sick. Tim offered to take her to work, so I could rest. Almost as soon as he left with Lexi, the pains came. They were like labor pains, only worse. I told Tim I needed to go back to the ER and off we went. While there they gave us some options, one of which was going home with pain meds, or.be admitted for observation and kept comfortable. Because of what we had already been through, we opted for me to stay and be monitored. Thank God we did! Overnight I had a ton of RBC in my urine, my white count increased in my blood work and I developed a fever. I had injections of Dilaudid every two hours, and if my nurse ran even 15 minutes late with it, I was dying in pain. When the surgeon came in, he recognized I was getting worse and got me ready for surgery. I had my surgery that afternoon around 12-12:30. I got back to my room from surgery around 2:30. By 11 p.m. I was home and preparing to sleep in my own bed. 

Fast forward to January 18 and my youngest came to me and out of the blue told me she wanted to move to her dad's.  I shouldn't say it was totally out of the blue, as her behavior had changed as of late and she was starting to defend him and his wife more.  I felt like such a failure.  Apparently in her eyes, life was easier at her dad's.  This after she was just complaining about the way her dad was acting on the way to her most recent orthopedic appointment.  Apparently I care about her grades too much.  I guess I drove her to them.  Like I said, I kind of guessed it was coming because she is always quick to defend them.  As if that wasn't stressful enough, my doctor called shortly after that announcement to tell me that they ran pathology on my appendix and found a tumor.  It is/was malignant.  It's a caner that forms in the lungs, intestines and appendix.  I have a history of GI problems, so of course the concern is about my intestines.

OK fast forward to last night.  My youngest already has zeros in her grade book, so I asked if she had homework.  She got all bent out of shape, so my boyfriend and I tried to explain to her that she isn't in trouble, I was just reminding her in case she forgot.  She flipped out and said that is the exact reason she's moving to her dad's.  We tried to ask her why it's a bad thing if I'm trying to help her and be a parent, and she ran to her room crying.  No on yelled at her or anything like that, we just tried to talk to her.  My boyfriend is to the point where he is over my being disrespected by my kids, so he said if she wanted to cry and carry on and act like a baby, he was shutting to wifi off.  At that point she gave me her phone and said that if the wifi was off, there was no point in having her phone.  I took it to my bedroom, tossed it on my bed, and told my boyfriend he could turn the wifi back on.  I went back to making dinner.  I got a text message from my boyfriend asking me to come back to the room.  Apparently he threw her phone on my dresser and it lit up to a group message she had going on.  In it she was telling her friends she wanted to swear text me, that if we ever got married she wasn't going to the wedding, and if she did she was wearing a tank top and shorts.  As if those weren't bad enough, she also called my boyfriend a bastard.  I don't think I've ever made it from our bedroom to her bedroom faster than I did after seeing those text messages.  I took her her phone and advised her that next time she hands over her phone she may want to erase her text messages.  She said she didn't know what I was talking about, so I asked her about swear texting and all the other things I had read.  She tried saying that bastard was auto-correct. I asked her what could possibly have auto-corrected to bastard and she tried telling me that instead of swearing she likes to use gibberish and the gibberish must have corrected itself to bastard.  She said that the tank and shorts was a joke, which I told her is a joke that only her and I would understand because we witnessed it at a wedding not long ago from a rebellious child.  In the end of it she made the decision to go to her dad's tonight.  As in a few short hours.  I don't know that I am going to see her before then, so I am just an ocean of emotions right now.  

So here I am at work, wanting to be at home.  A co-worker told me that I looked pale, and I said no I am just stressed out.  If someone would have told me even a year ago that my baby girl would leave me for her father's house in another school district, almost another state, I would have told them they were crazy.....I guess I am the crazy one.

Welcome to My Seriously Crazy Life

Where do I begin?  I guess with my name, lol.  My name is Shannon.  I am a 38 year old mother of three teenage girls.  Yes I have gray hair, no I don't drink to excess, lol.

I have blogged before in the past and decided to get back into it because I need an outlet for my feelings/craziness to stay out of the insane asylum.  I used to write a lot when I was younger.  I toyed with novels, poetry, journalism, etc., but nothing really stuck.  Sometimes I think I should go back to my books and finish, but every time I try I need to start from scratch because of my increased maturity when I comes to my writing skills.  Maybe someday.

So I don't know how often I will be here, but I'll try to be here more often than not, as I feel the need to scream a lot, and hoping this will keep me sane, lol. 

So a little more about me.  I am a Customer Service Agent for an insurance agent.  I have my sales license, so I can write my own business, but most everything goes to our principal agents in the office or in layman's terms, the big bosses.  I have wrote myself, my grandparents and my boyfriend's daughter, but that's pretty much all I have gotten credit for so far.  I am working right now to get my life license.  Hopefully I will have that by the end of February 2018.  I also am an independent representative for Thirty-One Gifts, as well as Hello Pink.  Most people know what Thirty-One is, but Hello Pink is something rather new to the direct sales game.  They're an online retailer of fashion and accessories for women.  I do that as a hobby where I am more disciplined with my Thirty-One.  I try to make sure I have a party every month, even if it's just a mystery hostess one on my site.  I post regularly on my Facebook, as well as Twitter those specials, but not going to lie...it is a tough business.  The area is so saturated! 

My girls are teenagers as I mentioned.  As of this date and time they're 14 and 17 (yes two are twins).  My twins were, obviously, my first born.  When you're a twin mom, you get questions that "singleton" (multiplese for moms of single born babies) moms don't get the crazy questions that moms of multiples do.  My favorite and I'm sure the #1 question asked of twin moms is "Are they twins?"  Nope they're actually a month apart and I just thought it'd be fun to dress them alike.  "Are they girls?" Now as infants you have to know that they were usually dressed similarly and always in something pink, lacy or ruffled.  "Nope, I just am getting my son(s) armed and ready for therapy at an early age. "  Thirty-One months after my twins were born I had my baby girl.  Once she could walk, I started getting "Are they triplets?" Are you serious?  My baby girl was a peanut!  I mean didn't make it onto the growth chart until she was at least 11 years old, if not older.  She wore children's clothes and boots until she started high school because she could.  Now that she's a freshman, she can not be caught dead in something other than Juniors' clothing. 

My girls are amazing!  I would not trade them for anything.  They are all so different in their own awesome way.  Alexandra is a theater nut.  She's been in theater or tried being in theater since elementary school.  I take full responsibility for this, as even at 38, one of my all-time favorites is still Annie.  She can sing the full scores of almost every Broadway show out there, even the new ones!  Hopefully before she runs away to college we can get to see Wicked, Hamilton or Waitress (three of her favorites) but we'll see how God decides to bless me fnancially.  Elizabeth amazes me everyday!  She is for sure my fighter.  The twins were born at 36 weeks 4 days.  Elizabeth decided she was going to swallow before being suctioned and inhaled some of the gunk they take out of babies when they're born.  She was born a fun bluish/purple color and did not cry when she was born.  To look over and see your baby being bagged and hearing NICU being screamed for down the hall is a scary way to start your bonding with them.  Because of her health issues and my having Alexandra to think about, as well, I was not the first one to hold her.  My grandma Stefano actually was.  You would think that would make her have a special bond with her, but Alexandra is actually one that has that special bond.  Interesting with them being twins.  Libby is my fighter in every aspect of her life.  She fights for everything she gets.  She works hard, she doesn't take no for an answer, and she will never let anyone have the last say.  The last say is hers and all hers!  This is probably why she has aspirations of being a lawyer, as well as a teacher.  None of that will occur, though, until after she serves in our nation's military.  Not sure if it'll be Navy or Air Force yet, but that girl is going places!  Then there's my baby, Kathryn.  Don't let her size fool you, as she has a fighting bone in her body, too.  Nothing has been easy for her.  When she was little she was marked as failure to thrive, or grow, as I mentioned earlier.  When she was four months old, she was diagnosed with asthma and for amny years the change of season were our enemies.  She still to this day can't be around a smoker.  When she was two she was diagnosed with a hole in her heart.  We thought that was the reason she was so small.  She went through test after test after test and when we finally got her to the cardiologist, we found that she was healed.  He could not find a hole anywhere in or around her heart.  When she was five, she still refused to grow as normal kids did.  This led her to be tested for cystic fibrosis.  This was before UPMC took over our area hospital, so that meant numerous trips back and forth to Pittsburgh.  Luckily, she beat that prognosis and was found NOT to have cf.  CF; however, does hold a place in my heart to this day because I know how scary it is to THINK your child has CF.  I can't imagine how scary it is to actually have your child or any family member have CF.  Kathryn has always been an active child.  She did dance at a young age, which then turned into a love for acrobatics.  She was a very gifted performer when it came to her and acrobatics.  We thought because she was so tiny that it allowed her to be extra bendy and flexible.  A few years into acrobatics, we started to notice changes in her.  Her fingers would bend backwards, even if they're flat on the table.  She was double jointed in almost every joint.  We mentioned it to her doctor in passing because we thought it was weird.  She agreed and sent her to a reumatologist.  It was at this point that she was diagnosed with hyper-mobility syndrome.  That was the end of her acro career.  With her ability to get injured increased by this syndrome, we had to stop with the acro.  From there she found a love in sports, specifically basketball and soccer.  She was the tiniest player on the basketball team, but it didn't stop her from giving it her all.  She was so small and fast that she had no problem taking control of the ball.  She even scored some points in one game.  Her summer love was soccer.  She loved soccer, and she was good at it, too.  She was small and fast and knew how to control the ball and get it right where she wanted it.  She loved soccer....until she didn't.  We would take her to her games and she'd complain she didn't feel good and would just sit on the side lines.  She didn't want to go to school, she didn't want to go anywhere.  It turned out that she has anxiety issues.  They were started by her basketball teammates bullying her and then it turned into general anxiety with a touch of agoraphobia, which made doing anything with her a struggle.  She found an outlet for her fears and anxiety in Marching Band. She joined the color guard team her eighth grade year and she was a new girl.  During her first season of band camp, though,, she was constantly complaining of being in pain.  We thought it was her anxiety rearing its ugly head, but she assured us over and over again that it wasn't that.  That she really was in pain and that she needed to see someone.  I talked to her primary care doctor who got her in with an orthopedic surgeon.  They diagnosed her with Osgood Schlatter Disorder.  This was another setback for her, but we promised her that she would not have to give up something she loved again for her health unless it was absolutely necessary.  She has now completed her second year of color guard and is now a welcome member to our area's winter guard and is looking forward to her first expedition this weekend.  So in short, I have three amazing daughters that surprise the heck out of me regularly.

If it seems like my youngest has been through the ringer, she comes by it honestly.  My mother and I love confusing the heck out of our doctor, who we share,by the way.  In my lifetime, I have had hepatitis from poor drinking water, peripheral vertigo, that I will have for the rest of my life, and experience every time I am stressed out.  Most recently I had my appendix out, just eight days ago to be specific.  I know that you're thinking there is nothing weird about an appendectomy, but in my case there was.  They almost didn't remove my appendix, as they could not see it on my scans to determine whether it was the cause of my issues or not.  The reason they couldn't see it is because it wasn't infected on the outside, it was infected by the inside by a nasty germ known as cancer.  Not what I was expecting to hear when the surgeon called me four days post-op.  I thought he had amazing bedside manner calling me directly, especially when I had an appointment already set up with him.  Then he continued talking after making sure I was feeling ok.  I don't remember what he called my tumor, but I remember the words cancer and malignant.  It is rare, less than 1,000 cases a year, but it's aggressive.  It forms in the lungs, intestines, and/or appendix.  For our sake, we're all hoping it started in the appendix and did not have a chance to spread anywhere else.  I have had gastro issues since my youngest was born, though, and so there is the concern that it is in my intestines.  I also have female issues, which require a biopsy.  I was supposed to have my biopsy last Wednesday; however, my appendix surgery rescheduled that one for next month.  So lots coming down the pipeline, good and bad.

I will end this here as I think I have yapped on long enough.  Until next time.....